Good Knight

“Michael? What are you doing?”

“I’m drilling a lock into the door of my closet.”

Ok.

I remain quiet for a moment while he drills another hole into the (rented) door frame.

“Sweetie? Can I ask you why?”

“Well, when you guys are away this summer, I thought it might be a good idea to lock up anything valuable in this closet.”

I pause for another moment to organize my response. While I want to say…

A. we don’t have anything valuable that will fit in that closet.

B. the people coming to stay while we’re away are:
-a friend of a friend who’s sending her kid down the street to a money camp
-the babysitters
-my father

and C. if anyone really wanted to steal anything they could easily rip that lock right out of the drywall (before I was allowed to publish this post I was instructed to inform the reader that the lock was, in fact, screwed into the steel doorframe AND the screws are inaccessible when the lock is closed (!)-OUCH did I get an earful).

But then it dawns on me. When Michael was a young bachelor he went to an auction at Sotheby’s and bought a suit of armor for reasons unbeknownst to those of us closest to him. We all tease him about it relentlessly, RELENTLESSLY, even though we all secretly love it.

“Do you want to put your suit of armor helmet in there?”

“Well…yes,” he stammers, “I mean that and, well, whatever else we might want to put in there that we think is valuable.”

I stifle a giggle as I play out in my head how hard the babysitter and I are going to laugh when I tell her this story. She and her best friend, babysit for G and I adore them both, so much so that they are staying in our apartment while we’re away just to look after it and to be closer to some of their other charges.

The next time she comes over I say, “Look what Michael did to the closet!”

“Why did he do that?” she asks. “Does he want to lock up that crazy helmet?”

Since we’ve been in San Francisco, these are the 3 text messages the ladies have sent me so far.

TEXT #1

just a typical morning at the O household

TEXT #2

“hello? Yes, doctor? Could you please prescribe a helmet, much like myself, for baby G whenever he is walking near tables? Thanks!”

(the little man had his first ER visit last week after dive bombing into a coffee table. 3 stitches)

TEXT #3

“Dark Knight Rises?!?!? I’ve never been more angry in my life! I’m the dark knight… Not some fru-fru man dressed in a black cape and pointy bat mask!!!!”

3 comments

  • Literally brilliant. From the fact that Michael read and approved this post with the stipulation you correct the part about his proper lock installation, to your genius and witty babysitters who could only possibly live in NYC to the fact that you know someone sending their kid to a money camp. This is just brilliant through and through.

  • Get off Michael’s back, he loves his “stuff” and if he wants it to be there when he gets back I’m sure it will be.We had a great weekend, 11 of us with “the girls”. Great steak cook out on Linda’s deck,We played 6 handed euchre until 1:30 in the morning, Some knew what was happening and some didn’t
    didn’t care but it was fun and loud. Hate to tell you the guys won but they worked for it.Your writing is super as usual . Glad you are together as a family for awhile, enjoy every minute Love, GG

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