The baby is hilarious.
For starters, he’s a hoarder. He squirrels things away in places where I cannot find them. I am in an apartment in Manhattan, not a palace in Versailles, yet I searched high and low for a sippy cup lid and nothing. I mean I looked everywhere for this thing, three days later, the baby is holding it in his hand. I grabbed it and said, ‘where was this?’ And he just looked at me and went…’heh heh,’ George Bush style.
So he is also finally being weaned. ‘Weaned?’ you say, ‘He still isn’t weaned?’ And to you I say, ‘no, no he’s not.’ He almost was when he was 12 months and then we picked up and moved and the weaning took no steps forward and 10 steps back. So now it’s officially on. He gets to nurse in the morning only and that’s it. He has 2 new bright blue Lifefactory glass bottles and he has to drink 16oz of milk out of them a day, and I’ll tell you this—he’ll do it—but he’ll let you know he is none too pleased about it. We keep finding his bottle in the bathtub, or rolled under the couch. But today, today was the best. Michael noticed the baby walk into the bedroom WITH the bottle, but walk out of the bedroom WITHOUT it. This prompted our Captain to search for said bottle and he found it in the trash can underneath a pair of his shorts. The baby put the bottle in the trashcan and put a pair of shorts over it, in hopes we would not discover it. Impressive. Most Impressive. Obi Wan has taught you well.
The last baby story begins with how we always call Michael, Grandpa. We call him this because there are a few things in life that he just cannot understand, like going to a concert, or dancing in a club, or pop music, or skate boards. ‘Why,’ he says, ‘why would anyone ever do these things? I don’t understand.’ Ok Grandpa.
So there is this baby show called Yo Gabba Gabba. People love it. They are constantly asking me if the baby likes it, if I heard they were coming to town, if I saw Jack Black on yesterday’s episode. So I decide in the middle of the night to finally download the very first episode and look at it to see if he’s ready for it or not. If you don’t know the show, it’s this kind of skinny DJ wearing a fuzzy hat with a star on it. He is called DJ Lance. Throughout the show DJ Lance feeds these four kooky characters (one I think is named Poopa) snacks or lunch because the topic of the show that day is food. But then they kind of spin hip hop club songs about eating lunch, oh here—I found the clip.
So—I knew Michael was going to HATE this show. I just KNEW it. And lo and behold I showed him a clip and he just looked at me bewildered and said, ‘Elizabeth, please. Please turn that off. I can’t listen to it for another minute.’ Ok Grandpa. So then the next day I ran into the kitchen singing, ‘there’s a party in my tummy—so yummy—so yummy!’ And Michael said, ‘ELIZABETH! Please. That’s not funny. It’s going to be stuck in my head all day!’ OK!! Sorry Grandpa. I finally get around to showing it to the baby and I SWEAR to you, whoever you may be, he stared at that screen with a look of utter disdain, let out a deep, old man sigh and then reached over and turned it OFF! What a Poopa!